If you are interested in purchasing a package, please contact email@example.com
• 2 nights of hotel
• A blindfolded limousine ride
• Admission to the opening night party
(and cardboard VIP room!) plus any TWO shows.
• Brief eye contact with Eugene Mirman
• A VIP Booth at Bell House with a sign that says “Reserved for some asshole.”
• A bottle of Eugene’s homemade infused horseradish vodka.
• As many apples as you can personally carry. It is okay to use a sack of some sort.
• 4 nights of hotel
• A one hour limousine ride with three comedians who've done comedy for not that long.
• A VIP jacket with racist slurs written on it that gives you admission to all shows.
• A VIP Booth at Bell House with a sign that says "Reserved for Mr. (your first name)
• Eugene Mirman will shake your hand and say, “Thank you for being rich, it means
a lot to us.”
• A super-fucking weired gift basket.
• You will be personally introduced to one “high value” performer and left in a room
to have an awkward five-minute conversation with them. Snacks will be provided.
• A nice backgammon board PLUS a game with Eugene Mirman
(valued by Eugene at $35,000!!!!)
• An ad in the program thanking you and wishing you a Merry Christmas.